These funny birthday quotes will inspire you. Birthdays should always be happily spent and create fond memories.
Below you will find a collection of motivating, happy, and encouraging funny birthday quotes, funny birthday sayings, and funny birthday proverbs.
Best Funny Birthday Quotes
- “May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.” ~ Frank Sinatra
- “After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.” ~ Bette Midler
- “Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you’re exactly the same.” ~ Audrey Hepburn
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“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ~ Mark Twain
- “Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” ~ Maurice Chevalier
- “A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” ~ Robert Frost
- “Pie can’t compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone’s drunk in the kitchen.” ~ Jim Gaffigan
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“Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese” ~ Luis Bunuel
- “It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me.” ~ Ellen Glasgow
- “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” ~ Lucille Ball
- “When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.” ~ Mark Twain
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“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” ~ Dr. Seuss
- “When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.” ~ Steven Wright
- “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” ~ Bob Hope
- “The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.” ~ Oscar Wilde
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“Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.” ~ Jean Paul
- “There must be a day or two in a man’s life when he is the precise age for something important.” ~ Franklin P. Adams
- “Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.” ~ Arthur Schopenhauer
- “Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.” ~ Sammy Hagar
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“A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.” ~ Muhammad Ali
- “You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.” ~ Germaine Greer
- “The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.” ~ George Eliot
- “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” ~ Oprah Winfrey
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“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” ~ Phyllis Diller
- “You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.'” ~ Jerry Seinfeld
- “When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” ~ Gracie Allen
- “The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.” ~ Pope Paul VI
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“Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven’t committed.” ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
- “Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.” ~ Dorothy Parker
- “Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” ~ Tom Wilson
- “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” ~ Norman Wisdom
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“Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.” ~ Mary Schmich
- “Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.” ~ H. H. Asquith
- “They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.” ~ Malcolm Cowley
- “A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.” ~ Erma Bombeck , Funny birthday quotes for friends
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“Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don’t really know.” ~ Andy Borowitz
- “At times is it seems that I am living my life backward, and that at the approach of old age my real youth will begin. My soul was born covered with wrinkles. Wrinkles my ancestors and parents most assiduously put there and that I had the greatest trouble removing.” ~ Andre Gide
- “Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” ~ Pope John XXIII
- “I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.” ~ Eva Gabor
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“Your True Nature Is Love. There’s Nothing You Can Do About It.” ~ Byron Katie
- “May you live all the days of your life.” ~ Jonathan Swift
- “For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.” ~ Steven Wright
- “Time and tide wait for no man.” ~ Geoffrey Chaucer
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“Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.” ~ Robert Frost
- “Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ~ Jack Benny
- “All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.” ~ George Harrison
- “There is still no cure for the common birthday.” ~ John Glenn
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“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” ~ Herbert V. Prochnow
- “The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.” ~ Robert Orben
- “If you’re not getting older, you’re dead.” ~ Tom Petty
- “Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” ~ C. E. M. Joad
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“Old age is not for sissies.” ~ Malcolm Forbes
- “God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.” ~ Voltaire
- “You’ve heard of the three ages of man – youth, age, and you are looking wonderful.” ~ Francis Spellman
- “If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.” ~ Euripides
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“People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.” ~ George Burns
- “Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
- “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.” ~ Ogden Nash
- “Today you are you! That is truer than true!” ~ Dr. Seuss
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“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.'” ~ Steven Wright
- “The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” ~ Johnny Carson
- “Whatever with the past has gone, The best is always yet to come.” ~ Lucy Larcom
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“One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.” ~ Oscar Wilde
- “Live as long as you may, the first twenty years are the longest half of your life.” ~ Robert Southey
- “Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt
