Gary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships. He is the senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. These Gary Chapman quotes will motivate you.
Best Gary Chapman Quotes
- “Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Expressing love in the right language. We tend to speak our own love language, to express love to others in a language that would make us feel loved. But if it is not his/her primary love language, it will not mean to them what it would mean to us.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Respect begins with this attitude: “I acknowledge that you are a creature of extreme worth. God has endowed you with certain abilities and emotions. Therefore I respect you as a person. I will not desecrate your worth by making critical remarks about your intellect, your judgment or your logic. I will seek to understand you and grant you the freedom to think differently from the way I think and to experience emotions that I may not experience.” Respect means that you give the other person the freedom to be an individual.” ~ Gary Chapman
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“Life’s deepest meaning is not found in accomplishments, but in relationships” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Love doesn’t erase the past, but it makes the future different.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, I believe that you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage. Love need not evaporate after the wedding, but in order to keep it alive most of us will have to put forth effort to learn a secondary love language. We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “When people respond too quickly, they often respond to the wrong issue. Listening helps us focus on the heart of the conflict. When we listen, understand, and respect each other’s ideas, we can then find a solution in which both of us are winners.” ~ Gary Chapman
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“Love is a choice you make every day.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Marriages are always moving from one season to another. Sometimes we find ourselves in winter–discouraged, detached, and dissatisfied; other times we experience springtime, with its openness, hope, and anticipation. On still other occasions we bask in the warmth of summer–comfortable, relaxed, enjoying life. And then comes fall with its uncertainty, negligence, and apprehension. The cycle repeats itself many times throughout the life of a marriage, just as the seasons repeat themselves in nature.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday. They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday and in so doing, they pollute a potentially wonderful day.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Empathetic listening is an awesome medication for the hurting heart.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.” ~ Gary Chapman
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“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “We are trained to analyze problems and create solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Isolation is devastating to the human psyche.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Every single day in a marriage, we influence each other. It is a matter of am I going to have a positive influence or a negative influence?” ~ Gary Chapman
- “..there is hope. That’s the marvelous thing about being human. We can change our future. We need not be enslaved by the experiences of the past. We can learn to love even when we have not received love.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “One [reality] is that I am responsible for my attitude. I can be in prison, and I happen to get a chance to go outside. I can look at the mud, or I can look at the stars. I am the one who decides which way to look. That is true for every one of us.” ~ Gary Chapman
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“Remember that your ultimate goal is for your children to grow up secure in your love, strong in their faith, and with sound character.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “The person who is “in-love” has the illusion that his beloved is perfect.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “People do not get married planning to divorce. Divorce is the result of a lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as teammates in an intimate relationship.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Most of us have more potential than we will ever develop. What holds us back is often a lack of courage.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “In marriage, it is never having my own way. It is rather discovering our way.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “My attitude affects my actions. So, if I have a negative attitude about it, then it is going to show up in the way I respond, but if I have a positive attitude, then I start looking for the things I can do that will make my life better and make the lives of people around me better.” ~ Gary Chapman
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“True love cannot begin until the “in love” experience has run it’s course.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Conflicts are not a sign you’ve married the wrong person. They simply affirm you are human.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “We can certainly see contemporary examples of people who radically change. As long you believe your spouse will never change and you keep telling yourself that, then you live with no hope. But if you understand that that’s a myth, then you open up the door to hope.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Nobody has the power to make you miserable . . . unless you choose to give them that power. Choose to enjoy every drop of today!” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Love can be expressed and received in all five languages. However, if you don’t speak a person’s primary love language, that person will not feel loved, even though you may be speaking the other four. Once you are speaking his or her primary love language fluently, then you can sprinkle in the other four and they will be like icing on the cake.” ~ Gary Chapman
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“All of us blossom when we feel loved and wither when we do not feel loved.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other’s desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “What we dislike in others is often a weakness in our own lives.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Togetherness has to do with focused attention. It is giving someone your undivided attention. As humans, we have a fundamental desire to connect with others. We may be in the presence of people all day long, but we do not always feel connected.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “What is emotional intimacy? It is that depp sense of being connected to one another. It is feeling loved, respected and appreciated, while at the same time seeking to reciprocate. To feel loved is to have the sense that the other person genuinely cares about your well-being. Respect has to do with feeling that your potential spouse has positive regard for your personhood, intellect, abilities and personality. Appreciation is that inner sense that your partner values your contribution to the relationship.” ~ Gary Chapman
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“When I admit my own imperfections, it doesn’t mean I am a bad person.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Each person has the potential of making a positive impact on the world. It all depends on what you do with what you have. Success is not to be measured by the amount of money you possess or the position you attain but rather in how you use both. Position and money can be squandered or abused, but they can also be used to help others.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Don’t be a victim of the urgent. In the long run, much of what seems so pressing right now won’t even matter. What you do with your children will matter forever.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Love doesn’t keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn’t bring up past failures. (1 Cor 13:5)” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Lack of love from parents often motivates their children to go searching for love in other relationships. This search is often misguided and leads to further disappointment.” ~ Gary Chapman
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“Love makes requests, not demands.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “The decision to get married will impact one’s life more deeply than almost any decision in life. Yet people continue to rush into marriage with little or no preparation for making a marriage successful. In fact, many couples give far more attention to making plans for the wedding than making plans for marriage. The wedding festivities last only a few hours, while the marriage, we hope, will last for a lifetime” ~ Gary Chapman
- “For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships. Without love, mountains become unclimbable, seas uncrossable, deserts unbearable, and hardships our lot in life.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Emotions are our spontaneous response to life. We have these emotions, but if the emotion is a negative emotion, then I have a choice to say, “I am feeling sad tonight because this happened, but I am not going to let my sadness keep me from engaging my wife in conversation. “” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Real love” – “This kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth.” ~ Gary Chapman
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“The one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision every day.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Love is always freely given. Love cannot be demanded. We can request things of each other, but we must never demand anything. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Love is the fundamental building block of all human relationships. It will greatly impact our values and morals. I am also convinced that love is the most important ingredient in the single’s search for meaning.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Before I discovered the concept of the 5 love languages, a bit of advice I was given was to become a student of my wife and to take time to learn what makes her feel loved. I soon learned that what makes her feel loved may not always be the thing I want to do because it may not come natural to me. But learning to love her in the way that makes her feel loved is a greater demonstration of my love for her because I’ve chosen to do it with a goal of pleasing her.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. With verbal encouragement, we are trying to communicate, “I know. I care. I am with you. How can I help?” We are trying to show that we believe in him and in his abilities. We are giving credit and praise.” ~ Gary Chapman
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“Love is the most powerful weapon in the world for good. I really believe that.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “You cannot force someone to accept an expression of love. You can only offer it. If it is not accepted, you must respect the other person’s decision.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “In a difficult marriage, both of us have failed each other. Even though one may be the major problem, you also have failed often in the way you have responded to them, the way you have treated them, in the way you have handled your hurt and your pain.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Sex is the joining of two bodies; love is the joining of two souls.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Inside every child is an ’emotional rani’s waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank” ~ Gary Chapman
- “I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday.” ~ Gary Chapman
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“Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Love is reaching out to try to get to the other person.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “Ask yourself: Does the action I am considering have any potential for dealing with the wrong and helping the relationship? And is it best for the person at whom I am angry? The two most constructive options are either to confront the person in a helpful way or to consciously decide to overlook the matter.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “We all desperately need love. If a spouse in a difficult marriage will learn the love language of that spouse, and they will, with the help of God, consistently speak their love language no matter how they are treated.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage.” ~ Gary Chapman
- “I cannot change others, but I can influence others… we can’t change people, but we can and we do influence people, and we do it every single day.” ~ Gary Chapman
