George Burns was an American comedian, actor, singer, and writer. He was one of the few entertainers whose career successfully spanned vaudeville, radio, film, and television. These George Burns quotes will motivate you.
Best George Burns Quotes
- “First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.” ~ George Burns
- “Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.” ~ George Burns
- “I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.” ~ George Burns
- “I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name’s not there, I eat breakfast.” ~ George Burns
- “There’s an old saying, ‘Life begins at forty.’ That’s silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.” ~ George Burns
- “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” ~ George Burns
- “I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.” ~ George Burns
- “I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.” ~ George Burns
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“You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.” ~ George Burns
- “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.” ~ George Burns
- “The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.” ~ George Burns
- “I’d rather be over the hill than under it.” ~ George Burns
- “And God said ‘Let there be Satan, so people don’t blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don’t blame everything on Satan.'” ~ George Burns
- “When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it’s time to turn out the lights.” ~ George Burns
- “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” ~ George Burns
- “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” ~ George Burns
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“Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.” ~ George Burns
- “In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn’t addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.” ~ George Burns
- “When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.” ~ George Burns
- “Lots of people have asked me what Gracie and I did to make our marriage work. It’s simple – we don’t do anything. I think the trouble with a lot of people is that they work too hard at staying married. They make a business out of it. When you work too hard at a business you get tired; and when you get tired you get grouchy; and when you get grouchy you start fighting; and when you start fighting you’re out of business.” ~ George Burns
- “I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.” ~ George Burns
- “I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.” ~ George Burns
- “I don’t worry about getting old. I’m old already. Only young people worry about getting old.” ~ George Burns
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“Be quick to learn and wise to know.” ~ George Burns
- “I find you have to take each day as it comes and be thankful for who’s left and whatever you can still do.” ~ George Burns
- “I look better, feel better, make love better and I’ll tell you something else….I never lied better.” ~ George Burns
- “If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.” ~ George Burns
- “Just because you’re old that doesn’t mean you’re more forgetful. The same people whose names I can’t remember now I couldn’t remember fifty years ago. . .” ~ George Burns
- “Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” ~ George Burns
- “Fall in love with what you’re going to do for a living. To be able to get out of bed and do what you love to do for the rest of the day is beyond words. I’d rather be a failure in something I love than be successful in something I hate.” ~ George Burns
- “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.” ~ George Burns
- “I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren’t what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.” ~ George Burns
- “People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.” ~ George Burns
- “Tennis is a young man’s game. Until you’re 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won’t tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court – just on my side of the net.” ~ George Burns
- “If I had taken my doctor’s advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn’t have lived to go to his funeral.” ~ George Burns
- “I can’t understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.” ~ George Burns
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“I don’t care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.” ~ George Burns
- “Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.” ~ George Burns
- “There’s nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed.” ~ George Burns
- “Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” ~ George Burns
- “I don’t worry about getting old. I’m old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65, I had Cupid’s eczema. I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.” ~ George Burns
- “It’s no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.” ~ George Burns
- “Young. Old. Just Words.” ~ George Burns
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“The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.” ~ George Burns
- “Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.” ~ George Burns
- “I thought to myself, ‘why not write a bestseller?’ In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.” ~ George Burns
- “When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, ‘No … he’s dead.'” ~ George Burns
- “My best advice: Fall in love with what you do for a living.” ~ George Burns
- “At my age flowers scare me.” ~ George Burns
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“Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.” ~ George Burns
- “Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.” ~ George Burns
- “When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.” ~ George Burns
- “I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.” ~ George Burns
- “Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.” ~ George Burns
- “There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.” ~ George Burns
- “The happiest people I know are the ones that are still working. The saddest are the ones who are retired. Very few performers retire on their own. It’s usually because no one wants them. Six years ago Sinatra announced his retirement. He’s still working.” ~ George Burns
- “I was always taught to respect my elders and I’ve now reached the age when I don’t have anybody to respect.” ~ George Burns
- “When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I’m labeled senile.” ~ George Burns
- “When I’m in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.” ~ George Burns
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“A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn’t started yet.” ~ George Burns
- “It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.” ~ George Burns
- “Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.” ~ George Burns
- “People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways – I’m still making movies, and I’m a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.” ~ George Burns
- “I get a standing ovation just standing” ~ George Burns
- “There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.” ~ George Burns
