Julius Henry “Groucho” Marx was an American comedian, writer, stage, film, radio, and television star. A master of quick wit, he is widely considered one of America’s greatest comedians. He made 13 feature films with his siblings the Marx Brothers, of whom he was the third-born. These Groucho Marx Quotes on club, politics, happiness will motivate you in life.
Best Groucho Marx Quotes
- “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.” ~ Groucho Marx, Groucho Marx Quotes on politics
- “Be open-minded, but not so open-minded that your brains fall out.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he really is an idiot.” ~ Groucho Marx
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“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “I’m not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “There’s only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” ~ Groucho Marx
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“I intend to live forever, or die trying.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “This isn’t a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “What have future generations ever done for us?” ~ Groucho Marx
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“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.” ~ Groucho Marx, Groucho Marx Quotes on happiness
- “When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.'” ~ Groucho Marx
- “I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Growing old is something you do if you’re lucky.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “I’d like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they’re working on now.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” ~ Groucho Marx
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“If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham if we had some ham.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” ~ Groucho Marx, Groucho Marx Quotes on club
- “My brother thinks he’s a chicken-We don’t talk him out of it because we need the eggs” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Don’t let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Whatever it is, I’m against it.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Budget: a way of going broke methodically” ~ Groucho Marx
- “I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” ~ Groucho Marx
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“Patience is the art of finding something else to do.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “I cannot say that I don’t disagree with you.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Celebrate the cracks, because that’s how the light comes in.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.” ~ Groucho Marx
- “Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while” ~ Groucho Marx
- “If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn’t sell much – just an occasional sun visor.” ~ Groucho Marx
