Hannibal Amir Buress is an American comedian, actor, writer, and producer. He started performing comedy in 2002 while attending Southern Illinois University. He co-starred on Adult Swim’s The Eric Andre Show from 2012 to 2020 and was featured on Comedy Central’s Broad City from 2014 to 2019. These Hannibal Buress quotes will motivate you.
Best Hannibal Buress Quotes
- “I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant…because I believe in myself.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “When people go through something rough in life, they say, “I’m taking it one day at a time.” Yes, so is everybody. Because that’s how time works.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “Sometimes I get drunk and I get into arguments with taxi drivers. And I get out the cab and I slam the door. That’s not the way to win an argument with a taxi driver. The way to win is you get out of the cab and you leave the door open. And then he has to step out and come around and close that door. And while he’s doing that, I’m on the other side opening the other doors-and we just go around and around and around, and I got my own Benny Hill situation going on in life.” ~ Hannibal Buress
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“I like burritos more than Jesus because steak burritos are delicious. And they’re real.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “Whenever I eat at a restaurant I never put the napkin in my lap. People say, ‘Hannibal, why don’t you put the napkin in your lap?’ Because I believe in myself. I believe in my ability to not spill food in my pants ’cause I’m a goddamn adult. And I’ve mastered the art of getting food from my plate to my mouth without messing up my jeans. You need to believe in yourself, too, and get your life together, that’s for babies. Have some confidence in your eating abilities and hand/eye coordination.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “There’s a lot of dudes in my neighborhood that have handlebar mustaches. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache but don’t try to have a conversation with me like you don’t have a handlebar mustache.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I applied for a job at Starbucks. One of the questions was, ‘Why do you want to work at Starbucks?’ Uh, because my life is in shambles.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I don’t like when people say, ‘I’ll pray for you. I’m going to pray for you. Praying for you.’ You’re going to pray for me? So you’re going to sit at home and do nothing? ‘Cause, that’s what your prayers are; you doing nothing while I struggle with a situation. Don’t pray for me – make me a sandwich or something.” ~ Hannibal Buress
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“I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “There have been times I’ve been out, and my phone battery is at nine percent, and I was like, ‘Time to go home.'” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I don’t want to die before Will Smith ’cause then I miss that awesome ‘Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’ marathon.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I want to just at least make it weird for you to watch Cosby Show reruns.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “We’ll keep you in our thoughts With the other bullshit in your heads? No, keep me out of your thoughts, because I hear some of the stuff you talk about and if that’s close to what you’re thinking about, I don’t want to be around that, so keep me and my family out of your thoughts, unless you’re thinking of making me a sandwich.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “God sounds kinda like a shitty father to me. If God was so powerful why’d he have to give his son up? It sounds like God owed someone some money and they couldn’t get to him, so they murked his son. That’s what I really think happened. Jesus got stabbed up in an alley… but it’s easier to sell crucifixes. You can’t sell a pendant of someone getting shanked up In the alley. It’s a marketing scheme.” ~ Hannibal Buress
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“Don’t thank the lord, I gave you that compliment… Thank me.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I don’t believe in cancer walks. Well, I believe in them because they exist but I’d rather just give money straight up and save my Saturday afternoon. I can make my own t-shirt, that’s not incentive. Plus I don’t think cancer responds to how far people walk. I don’t think cancer’s sitting at home, ‘What? How many people walked how far? How many people walked how far wearing the same shirt? That’s crazy! I’m out of here!’ Remission.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I’m a dumb guy. My point of view is limited.” ~ Hannibal Buress quotes
- “I don’t even know how to use a semicolon to this day; I use a comma every time. And you know what? If I email somebody and they get upset about me using a comma instead of a semicolon, that’s not a person I want to work with anyway. And that’s how you weed people out of your life.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “My nephew’s always crying. I’m like, ‘Dude, why are you crying? Your life is great. All you do is eat apple sauce and take dumps. That’s your day.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “Acting is fun; it’s easier than writing, and if you get on a [TV] show, it draws people to your stand-up. That’s ultimately what I’d like to do.” ~ Hannibal Buress
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“In my hometown of Chicago, I’m kind of a medium deal.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “If you want to do anything, you got to go do it. Perform a lot, write a lot, make yourself better. Use the Internet, make videos, create content.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “‘SNL’ is the first real job I’ve held for more than a month and a half.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I’ve been doing stand-up longer than I’ve been doing anything. It’s just learning how to act on camera, trying to get better at that, figuring out how to make my humor translate and bounce off other people. It’s not a big challenge, but the main thing is just trying to be on point and be the best I can be on these shows.” ~ Hannibal Buress quotes
- “I’ve been doing stand-up longer than I’ve been doing anything. It’s just learning how to act on camera, trying to get better at that, figuring out how to make my humor translate and bounce off other people. It’s not a big challenge, but the main thing is just trying to be on point and be the best I can be on these shows.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “The jokes now, it’s just more stories and personal experiences. And just talking about things that really happened. It’s just becoming more comfortable as a performer, sharing my opinions on things, or things that’ve happened to me. That’s where it’s really going.” ~ Hannibal Buress
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“I play myself on everything I do.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I’m the worst comedian ever.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I’d like to get more bit-acting roles. I don’t know if my talent would allow for a long dialogue, but I could definitely knock out three lines.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I can work as a writer, but I wanted to do stand-up. And I knew I could, at worst, work as a stand-up. And I like to travel, and I knew I wanted to do an hour special, so in order to get ready for that, I had to hit the road.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “The more you progress, the more you learn. I try to pay attention to ticket counts, draws, guarantees and bonuses. I look at my deals closely these days and try to come up with other projects and ideas, since this business [comedy] is about creating content.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “When I’m doing shows I don’t need much from a city. All I’m looking for is a good meal and a decent spot to have a couple drinks.” ~ Hannibal Buress
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“I didn’t really get into comedy until a couple months before I started doing comedy.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “Social media is interesting. It helps me connect with fans. It’s immediate. It’s a big part of my touring business – getting the word out via Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “My dad named me after Hannibal Barca, the Carthaginian general who attacked Rome. But nobody knows about him.” ~ Hannibal Buress quotes
- “I like smoking at home. I like it to be one of the last things I do that day. I don’t wake and bake at all; I couldn’t do that. If I’m waking and baking, then I’m staying inside my place the rest of the day. I can’t start my day off high.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I love stand-up. I look at it as a way to always stay productive. I couldn’t imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I’m not working? Mope?” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I’m not like a super-duper sneakerhead. I got a couple pairs, but I’m not a “stand in line for sneakers” type of dude.” ~ Hannibal Buress
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“I’ve been going up and bombing everywhere. It’s great. I love it. It’s hilarious.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I think right now there’s more TV shows than ever. You’ve got network, you’ve got cable, you’ve got Netflix, you’ve got Hulu, even Amazon is putting out original content. So there’s a lot of opportunities to find fans. You don’t have to have a huge audience. You can cater to the people that like your stuff. So there is a boom in comedy and television and stand-up too through podcasting and all the different talk shows.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I feel like comedy is doing well right now because there’s so many avenues to be seen. Whether it’s through the Internet with social media or web videos and now there’s so many networks and TV shows.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “You want to grow where you came up so when you move, you get noticed easier. You can grow in New York but it’s better to come here already solid to get your reputation quicker.” ~ Hannibal Buress
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“I smoke occasionally, but it’s not a part of my routine. I mean, I don’t need it.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “We were talking about urban youth. And by urban, I mean lives in a city not urban as in black like white people use it.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I like showing different types of comedy – showing that I could tell a story, or showing that I could do a one-liner, showing I could do stuff about music – so just trying to be versatile and talking about different topics.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “People like to compare something to something that they know. Even with Chris Rock, they say he’s like Richard Pryor or Eddie Murphy.” ~ Hannibal Buress
- “I didn’t audition for ‘SNL.’ I sent in a tape to ‘SNL’ the year before I started writing there, but I got the job there through doing stand-up on Fallon.” ~ Hannibal Buress
