Jeremy Charles Robert Clarkson is an English broadcaster, journalist, and writer who specializes in motoring. He is best known for the motoring programs Top Gear and The Grand Tour alongside Richard Hammond and James May. He also currently writes weekly columns for The Sunday Times and The Sun. Since 2018, Clarkson has hosted the revived ITV game show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? replacing former host Chris Tarrant. These Jeremy Clarkson quotes will motivate you.
Best Jeremy Clarkson Quotes
- “Sometimes I stagger even myself with my genius.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “It’s what non-car people don’t get. They see all cars as just a ton and a half, two tons of wires, glass, metal, and rubber, and that’s all they see. People like you or I know we have an unshakable belief that cars are living entities… You can develop a relationship with a car and that’s what non-car people don’t get… When something has foibles and won’t handle properly, that gives it a particularly human quality because it makes mistakes, and that’s how you can build a relationship with a car that other people won’t get.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
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“Multi-tasking is the ability to screw everything up simultaneously.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that’s what gets you.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson, Jeremy Clarkson quotes about speed
- “Being smarter than you look is better than looking smarter than you are.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “You’re a car, but most of all, what you are, what you’ve become, is a mate. And that’s what makes a car special. That’s what makes a car great. You start to think of it as a person. You start to love it.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
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“I started to realise that being impolite saves an awful lot of time and costs you nothing.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying “Ooh good I’ve got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.”” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Speed focuses the mind. It cuts through the fog of drab everyday living and keeps us on our toes. Speed works. Speed saves lives. Speed is good. And we should have more of it, not less.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
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“The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Speed focuses the mind. It cuts through the fog of drab everyday living and keeps us on our toes. Speed works. Speed saves lives. Speed is good. And we should have more of it, not less.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Cows eat grass and silage. This is melting the ice caps and killing us all. So they need a new foodstuff: something that is rich in iron, calcium and natural goodness. Plainly they cannot eat meat so here is an idea to chew on. Why not feed them vegetarians?” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don’t, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “I don’t often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal’s duty to be on my plate at supper time.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson, Jeremy Clarkson quotes about cars
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“I’m a horse of a man!” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “All this health and safety talk is just killing me.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Unlike furious thin-lipped feminists, I tend not to draw distinctions between men and women, apart from in bed where you really do need to spot the difference.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Nothing can prepare you for the yawning chasm of time that passes in Canada before the healthcare system actually does any healthcare.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Boredom forces you to ring people you haven’t seen for eighteen years and halfway through the conversation you remember why you left it so long. Boredom means you start to read not only mail-order catalogues but also the advertising inserts that fall on the floor. Boredom gives you half a mind to get a gun and go berserk in the local shopping centre, and you know where this is going. Eventually, boredom means you will take up golf.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
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“You know what, I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed!” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Looking good in Italy is even more important than looking where you’re going.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don’t feature enough affordable cars on the show so we’ll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Like many men, I can never find anything that I’m looking for, even when I’m actually looking at it. In a fridge, I think milk is actually invisible to the male eye. And so, it turns out, are dirty great holes in the fence.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
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“I love Alfa Romeos and that [Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio] was tremendous.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “The fact is that Britain is the most warlike nation on earth. In the history of armed combat, we are the only democracy to have declared war on another democracy – England versus Finland in the second world war, in case you’re interested – and we’re always at the front of the queue when Johnny Foreigner gets a bit uppity. Who stood up to the Kaiser? Who stood up to Adolf? And let’s not forget the Argies. What other country would have sent its fleet halfway round the world and lost 250 men to protect a flock of sheep and some oil that might or might not be there? We’re still at it.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Governments would rather spend their money on another bomber than education, and why do we fear black men when every bit of suffering in our lives has a Caucasian face attached to it?” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
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“Americans are good at herding Bison. The end.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That’s a lot of effort in a day.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Does anyone really imagine for a moment that my wife gives two stuffs about global warming? She certainly did not appear to be all that bothered on Thursday evening when, during the great carbon-saving switch-off, I ran round the house furiously turning on every light, hair dryer, dishwasher and toaster.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
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“I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, ‘I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted ‘Get a car’, and drove off.’ What I actually said was, ‘Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating tw*t” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling more than 170 is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling. Penguins. While making love. To a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage. In front of the Queen. It’s all going to go wrong.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
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“Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Biathletes need to eat 6.000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of 2 pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 TWIX bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “If you’re thinking of coming to America, this is what it’s like: you’ve got your Comfort Inn, you’ve got your Best Western, and you’ve got your Red Lobster where you eat. Everybody’s very fat, everybody’s very stupid and everybody’s very rude – it’s not a holiday programme, it’s the truth.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “If you go through the pearly gates backwards in a fireball, that’s a cool way to die!” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill and then run over him again for good measure. They are designed to melt ice caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands and turn the entire third world into a huge uninhabitable desert, all that before they nicked all the oil in the world.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
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“I’m having a nice cold pint and waiting for this to blow over.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “I mean its a weekly occurrence that somebody will complain that Top Gear was on last night – and you just sit back and wait for the complaints. But if you start to pay attention to everyones concerns, you end up with something bland and boring. So you sort of have to ignore everybody in order to do the show how we want to do it.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “…it seemed appropriate that I should develop some kind of illness. This is a good idea when you are at a loose end because everything, up to and including herpes, is better than being bored.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
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“I’m not only in touch with my feminine side, I’m in touch with my gay side as well.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “No, no, no. There’s no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It’s cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “We live in the worst country in the world. At least we do for lazy, inefficient, office-bound police, whose response to an extraordinary rise in violent crime is to order more speed cameras.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “If I like somebody else’s tribe I’m going to promote the hell out of it. The whole thing is a democracy, and if somebody’s more popular then good luck to them.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
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“Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I’m coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “When I was 16, I wanted to look like Lord Byron. It’s not really a haircut so much as a hair-not-cut, but I’ve never changed it. It’s a bit Byron, a bit Don Juan DeMarco and other things that I aspire to be.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Then there’s the biggest problem of them all – the problem of being in an Audi TT when you are not called Angela. I do not know why it can be driven by only people named Angela, but that’s a fact and there’s nothing we can do about it. If you have a TT and you aren’t called Angela, you have the wrong car.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “She can take a year to read something, whereas I like a book that becomes more important in my life that life itself. When I was in the middle of ‘Red Storm Rising’ by Tom Clancy – which was not selected for the Man Booker shortlist – you could have taken my liver out and fed it to the dog. And I wouldn’t have noticed.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
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“My epiglottis is full of bees!” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “The newest Ferrari of them all, the 458, the Italia. The GT3 was good, but nowhen near as good as this… almost nothing on Earth is as good as this… Set that something I’ve just told, involving Cameron Diaz… and some honey… then it comes that even that isn’t as good as this.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Let’s be perfectly clear, shall we. The fox is not a little orange puppy dog with doe eyes and a waggly tail. It’s a disease-ridden wolf with the morals of a psychopath and the teeth of a great white shark.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “I don’t think I am particularly funny. In fact, I know I’m not.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: ‘Can we borrow yours?’ and he said, ‘Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
- “Hollywood movies are designed for 15-year-old youths from North Dakota who, intellectually speaking, are on equal terms with a British zoo animal.” ~ Jeremy Clarkson
