65 Inspirational Louis CK Quotes On Success In Life

Louis Székely best known by his stage name Louis C.K. is an American stand-up comedian, writer, actor, and filmmaker. C.K. won a Peabody Award in 2012 and has received six Primetime Emmy Awards, as well as numerous awards for The Chris Rock Show, Louie, and his stand-up specials Live at the Beacon Theater (2011) and Oh My God (2013). He has won the Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album twice. These Louis CK quotes will motivate you.

Best Louis CK Quotes

1. “What happens after you die? Lot’s of things happen after you die – they just don’t involve you” ~ Louis C. K.
2. “I have a lot of beliefs… and I live by none of them…” ~ Louis C. K.
3. “I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.” ~ Louis C. K.

4. “When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn’t matter who’s president.” ~ Louis C. K.

5. “When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.” ~ Louis C. K.
6. “The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It’s a massive gift to be able to say you’re not the most important person to yourself.” ~ Louis C. K.
7. “Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.’” ~ Louis C. K.

8. “Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.’” ~ Louis C. K.

9. “One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.” ~ Louis C. K.
10. “Everything is amazing and nobody is happy” ~ Louis C. K.
11. “I’ve started to kind of hate people, and it’s not because I have anything against them. It’s just, I enjoy it. It’s recreation.” ~ Louis C. K.

12. “If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you” ~ Louis C. K.

13. “I read something in the paper that really confused me the other day. It said that 80 percent of the people in New York are minorities. Shouldn’t you not call them minorities when they get to be 80 percent of the population? That’s a very white attitude, don’t you think? I mean, you could take a white guy to Africa and he’d be like ‘Look at all the minorities around here! I’m the only majority.'” ~ Louis C. K.
14. “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he’ll figure it out.” ~ Louis C. K.
15. “There’s a reason it’s called ‘girls gone wild’ and not ‘women gone wild’. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.” ~ Louis C. K.

16. “Life isn’t something you possess. It’s something you take part in, and you witness.” ~ Louis C. K.

17. “I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.” ~ Louis C. K.
18. “Black people have slavery. And white people have our own thing-stuff we went though that hurt us that we have to cope with. Like when they took our slaves away. That was really hard for us. So it’s pretty even.” ~ Louis C. K.
19. “If you’re older, you’re smarter. I just believe that. If you’re in an argument with someone older than you, you should listen to ’em … even if they’re wrong, their wrongness is rooted in more information than you have.” ~ Louis C. K.
20. “The only time you should look in your neighbor’s bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don’t look in your neighbor’s bowl to see if you have as much as them.” ~ Louis C. K.

21. “Maybe God is an asshole…of course not, he’s not an asshole, he’s imaginary.” ~ Louis C. K.

22. “You’ll be fine. You’re 25. Feeling [unsure] and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. take a breath. You’ll be okay. Even if you don’t feel okay all the time.” ~ Louis C. K.
23. “I just don’t trust any of it. Every time I read something about how there’s been another ridiculous climb of the Dow Jones, there’s a part of me that goes, “This can’t be good.” None of this is real money. You know what I mean? It’s not like there’s actually more of anything. It’s just ideas. When people are getting richer and richer but they’re not actually producing anything, it can’t end well.” ~ Louis C. K.

24. “Here’s how my brain works: It’s stupidity, followed by self-hatred, and then further analysis.” ~ Louis C. K.

25. “Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it’s really like magic because you transform reality for people.” ~ Louis C. K.
26. “I love being married. It’s great. But I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It’s just easier; it goes quicker. She’s like, “What’s wrong with you?” And I’m like, “I know! Damn it! Argh!”” ~ Louis C. K.
27. “People come back from flights and tell you a story like it’s a horror story. That’s how bad they make it sound. They’re like, ‘It was the worst day of my life. We didn’t board for 20 minutes and they made us sit there on the runway for 40 minutes.’ Oh really? What happened next? Did you fly in the air, incredibly, like a bird? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight you non-contributing zero?'” ~ Louis C. K.

28. “You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog.” ~ Louis C. K.

29. “Feeling unsure and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it.” ~ Louis C. K.
30. “The part that’s difficult is being single, at 41, after 10 years of marriage and two kids. That’s like having a bunch of money in a currency of a country that doesn’t exist anymore.” ~ Louis C. K.
31. “Dating is horrible, it’s awful. I don’t get it. It’s like you’re standing there: ‘Hi. Do you want to have sex and later wish you hadn’t?’ It’s horrible. And it’s awkward at 42 because I don’t have the body or the drive. I just sit in the car and hope somebody gets in.” ~ Louis C. K.

32. “My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!” ~ Louis C. K.

33. “[about being a father] I don’t really remember what it was like before. Whatever I had going on, it was bullshit. It wasn’t important. It’s kind of a nice thing about being a dad. My identity is really about them now, and what I can do for them, so it sort of takes the pressure off of your own life. What am I going to do, who am I? Who cares, you’ve got to get your kids to school. So I like it that way.” ~ Louis C. K.
34. “It’s hard having kids because it’s boring… It’s just being with them on the floor while they be children. They read Clifford the Big Red Dog to you at a rate of 50 minutes a page, and you have to sit there and be horribly proud and bored at the same time.” ~ Louis C. K.
35. “Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I’ve heard educated white people say, ‘slavery was 400 years ago.’ No it very wasn’t. It was 140 years ago…that’s two 70-year-old ladies living and dying back to back. That’s how recently you could buy a guy.” ~ Louis C. K.

36. “I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you’re good at.” ~ Louis C. K.

37. “People say, ‘My phone sucks.’ No, it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.” ~ Louis C. K.
38. “I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of.” ~ Louis C. K.
39. “Human kindness has no reward. You should give to others in every way you see. expect absolutely nothing from anyone. It should be your goal to love every human you encounter. All human suffering that you’re aware of and continues without your effort to stop it becomes your crime.” ~ Louis C. K.

40. “I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of.” ~ Louis C. K.

41. “My 13-year-old daughter leaves the house at 7:15 every morning and takes a smelly city bus to school way uptown. It’s like 8 degrees out, and it’s dark and she’s got this morning face and I send her out there to take a bus. Meanwhile, my driver is sitting in a toasty Mercedes that’s going to take me to work once both kids are gone. I could send her in the Mercedes and then have it come back to get me, but I can’t have my kid doing that. I can’t do that to her. Me? I earned that f—ing Mercedes. You better f—ing believe it.” ~ Louis C. K.
42. “People say there’s delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you’re home.” ~ Louis C. K.
43. “Bill Gates has 90 billion dollars … If I had 90 billion dollars, I wouldn’t have it for long because I would just dream of all the crazy stuff I could do with it. This guy, 90 billion dollars. He could buy every baseball team and make them all wear dresses and still have 88 billion dollars.” ~ Louis C. K.

44. “I’m a good citizen. I’m a good father. I recycle and I masturbate.” ~ Louis C. K.

45. “Someday, one of your friends is gonna get divorced, it’s gonna happen, and they’re gonna tell you. Don’t go, ‘ohhhh I’m sorry.’ That’s a stupid thing to say. First of all you’re making ’em feel bad for being really happy, which isn’t fair. And second of all: divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true, because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. It’s really that simple.” ~ Louis C. K.
46. “How do women still go out with guys, when you consider the fact that there is no greater threat to women than men? We’re the number one threat to women. Globally and historically, we’re the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women… You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.” ~ Louis C. K.
47. “I killed my Facebook page years ago because time clicking around is just dead time. Your brain isn’t resting and it isn’t doing. I think people have to get their heads around this thing. All this unmitigated input is hurting folks.” ~ Louis C. K.

48. “There’s no such thing as a cheap laugh.” ~ Louis C. K.

49. “My bank is the worst. They are screwing me. You know what they did to me? They’re charging me money for not having enough money. Apparently, when you’re broke, that costs money.” ~ Louis C. K.
50. “When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don’t let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.” ~ Louis C. K.
51. “It’s a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.” ~ Louis C. K.
52. “Friends should always tell you the truth. But please don’t.” ~ Louis C. K., Louis CK quotes on friends
53. “I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the phone rang, and I thought it’s them, they’re complaining. … “Sir, could you please stop?”” ~ Louis C. K.
54. “All these words we use, anybody can be a genius now. It used to be you had to have a thought no one ever had before or you had to invent a number. Now, it’s like, “Hey, I’ve got a cup in case we need another cup.” “Dude, you’re a genius!”” ~ Louis C. K.

55. “Everything that’s difficult you should be able to laugh about.” ~ Louis C. K.

56. “All these words we use, anybody can be a genius now. It used to be you had to have a thought no one ever had before or you had to invent a number. Now, it’s like, “Hey, I’ve got a cup in case we need another cup.” “Dude, you’re a genius!”” ~ Louis C. K.
57. “Life’s too short to be an asshole, as an employer or as an employee.” ~ Louis C. K., Louis CK quotes on life
58. “I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like you spend time with people you never would have chosen to spend time with, not in a million years. I spend whole days with people, I’m like, “I never would have hung out with you. I didn’t choose you. Our children chose each other based on no criteria by the way. They’re the same size. They don’t care who they make me hang out with.”” ~ Louis C. K.

59. “I don’t think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.” ~ Louis C. K.

60. “Comedians work great as actors because they’re good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything’s going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, ‘Hey, you really are screwing this up,’ and then they just get better.” ~ Louis C. K., Louis CK quotes on comdey
61. “I was raised by a hard-working single mother, so my first role model was a woman. My only caretaker was a woman, and I have three sisters, so my community was girls. I have two girls, and my dog is a girl. My dead dog was a girl. I don’t know. I guess I’ve always keyed in on that perspective.” ~ Louis C. K.

62. “The only road to doing good shows is doing bad shows.” ~ Louis C. K.

63. “I’ve had two great years, probably five good years. So I had 20 years of just kind of uncertainty and suffering and ego destruction and poverty. All these things. There’s no way I’m ever going to catch up to the misery years. It’s impossible… If I don’t do anything dumb or I don’t get a disease or something, and then I’ve got to five to eight years I think where it’ll really be great and then it will start to degenerate like uranium, you know?” ~ Louis C. K.
64. “Television for a child creates such a high bar of stimulus that nothing else competes. A beautiful day is absolute crap to a kid who watches tv.” ~ Louis C. K.
65. “Comedians and Feminists… are natural enemies, because stereotypically-speaking, feminists can’t take a joke and… comedians can’t take criticism.” ~ Louis C. K.

Comment Your Favourite Louis CK Quotes!