Stephen Glenn Martin is an American actor, comedian, writer, playwright, producer, and musician. Over his distinguished career, he has earned five Grammy Awards, a Primetime Emmy Award, and was awarded an Honorary Academy Award at the Academy’s 5th Annual Governors Awards in 2013. Among the many honors, he has received the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, the Kennedy Center Honors, and an AFI Life Achievement Award. In 2004, Comedy Central ranked Martin at sixth place in a list of the 100 greatest stand-up comics. These Steve Martin quotes will motivate you.
Best Steve Martin Quotes
- “Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Be so good they can’t ignore you.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I cannot smell mothballs because it’s so difficult to get their little legs apart.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I believe inequality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.” ~ Steve Martin
-
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.” ~ Steve Martin
- “The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.” ~ Steve Martin
- “A father carries pictures where his money used to be.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.” ~ Steve Martin
-
“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.” ~ Steve Martin
- “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.” ~ Steve Martin
- “The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.” ~ Steve Martin , Steve Martin quotes on writer
- “Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.” ~ Steve Martin
-
“I just gave my cat a bath. Now how do I get all this fur off my tongue?” ~ Steve Martin
- “I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.” ~ Steve Martin
- “You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!” ~ Steve Martin
- “Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!” ~ Steve Martin
- “I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they’re crouching and hidden.” ~ Steve Martin Quotes
- “How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars” ~ Steve Martin
- “It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.” ~ Steve Martin
-
“A day without sunshine is like……….night” ~ Steve Martin
- “I used to smoke marijuana. But I’ll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening – or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . But never at dusk!” ~ Steve Martin
- “Communication has changed so rapidly in the last 20 years, it’s almost impossible to predict what might occur even in the next decade. E-mail, which now sends data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light, has replaced primitive forms of communication such as smoke signals, which sent data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I studied with the Maharishi for many years, and really didn’t learn that much. But one thing that he taught me, I’ll never forget: ‘ALWAYS…’ no, wait– ‘NEVER…’ no, wait, it was ‘ALWAYS carry a litter bag in your car. It doesn’t take up much room, and if it gets full, you can toss it out the window.'” ~ Steve Martin
- “I opened the show with this line: “I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, wait, sorry, that’s tomorrow night.” ~ Steve Martin
-
“How many people have never raised their hand before?” ~ Steve Martin
- “I handed in a script last year and the studio didn’t change one word. The word they didn’t change was on page 87.” ~ Steve Martin
- “You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, “Steve, how can you be so fucking funny?” There’s a secret to it, it’s no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I’m on stage, I feel funny.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.” ~ Steve Martin
- “It’s so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? It’s like, religion, you really can’t take it seriously, ’cause it seems so mythological, and seems so arbitrary; and then on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it’s almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.” ~ Steve Martin
-
“It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.” ~ Steve Martin
- “It’s pain that changes our lives.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I have found that– just as in real life–imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.” ~ Steve Martin
-
“It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.” ~ Steve Martin
- “The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.” ~ Steve Martin
-
“You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.” ~ Steve Martin
- “There’s no better way to learn something than to learn it in front of an audience. Your terror drives you.” ~ Steve Martin
- “She had destroyed whatever was between us by making a profound gaffe: She met me.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I did stand-up comedy for 18 years. Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent refining, and four years were spent in wild success. I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct. The course was more plodding than heroic.” ~ Steve Martin
- “But Carroll’s were more convoluted, and they struck me as funny in a new way: 1) Babies are illogical. 2) Nobody is despised who can manage a crocodile. 3) Illogical persons are despised. Therefore, babies cannot manage crocodiles. And: 1) No interesting poems are unpopular among people of real taste. 2) No modern poetry is free from affectation. 3) All of your poems are on the subject of soap bubbles. 4) No-affected poetry is popular among people of taste. 5) Only a modern poem would be on the subject of soap bubbles. Therefore, all your poems are uninteresting.” ~ Steve Martin
-
“You want to be a bit compulsive in your art or craft or whatever you do.” ~ Steve Martin
- “Acting has helped me understand people, not only because you are acting as a character, but also because you are watching other actors work. That really helps you identify in life when someone is acting, not being true.” ~ Steve Martin
- “You have to get comfortable [with your work], you really have to know what you’re doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.” ~ Steve Martin
- “I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.” ~ Steve Martin
