Heywood “Woody” Allen (born Allan Stewart Konigsberg; December 1, 1935) is an American director, writer, actor, and comedian whose career spans more than six decades. He began his career as a comedy writer in the 1950s, writing jokes and scripts for television and publishing several books of short humor pieces. Woody Allen quotes about life, love, death, god, and movies that will motivate you to achieve success.
Best Woody Allen Quotes
- “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” – Woody Allen
- “Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.” – Woody Allen, Woody Allen quotes on life
- “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” – Woody Allen
- “The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.” – Woody Allen
- “Tradition is the illusion of permanence.” – Woody Allen
- “What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.” – Woody Allen
- “Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.” – Woody Allen
- “There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?” – Woody Allen
- “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
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“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” – Woody Allen
- “To me, there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.” – Woody Allen
- “Curiosity, that’s what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It’s our own hearts and minds.” – Woody Allen
- “More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.” – Woody Allen
- “I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.” – Woody Allen
- “My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.” – Woody Allen
- “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” – Woody Allen
- “I can levitate birds. No one cares.” – Woody Allen
- “I love nature, I just don’t want to get any of it on me.” – Woody Allen
- “The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don’t have.” – Woody Allen
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“I hate reality but it’s still the best place to get a good steak.” – Woody Allen
- “Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.” – Woody Allen
- “To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.” – Woody Allen, Woody Allen quotes on love
- “I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I’m never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.” – Woody Allen
- “What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn’t for certain people.” – Woody Allen
- “We’re worth a lot of dough. Whatever you see is antiques. This thing here. This is from — I don’t remember exactly. I think it’s the Renaissance or the Magna Carta or something. But that’s where it’s from.” – Woody Allen
- “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.” – Woody Allen
- “My relationship with death remains the same – I’m strongly against it.” – Woody Allen
- “I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.” – Woody Allen
- “The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. I think that the worst you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.” – Woody Allen
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“All I can do is wait for it,” – Woody Allen
- “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen
- “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
- “As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree’ — probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.” – Woody Allen
- “I think universal harmony is a pipe dream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.” – Woody Allen
- “I don’t know enough to be incompetent. – Woody Allen 50. Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.” – Woody Allen
- “His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.” – Woody Allen
- “It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.” – Woody Allen, Woody Allen quotes on death
- “You know a lot of geniuses, now. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, now, you could learn something.” – Woody Allen
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“Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.” – Woody Allen
- “I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories. The horrible are like, I don’t know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don’t know how they get through life. It’s amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you’re miserable, because that’s very lucky, to be miserable.” – Woody Allen
- “The man who said ‘I’d rather be lucky than good’ saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It’s scary to think so much is out of one’s control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second, it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck, it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn’t and you lose.” – Woody Allen
- “It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better… while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.” – Woody Allen
